Breaking the Cycle of Codependency in Addiction

Addiction is a pattern of dependency on substances, either physically, psychologically, or both. It often has a powerful impact on relationships. Individuals struggling with substance use may find themselves juggling priorities. Often, using or obtaining more of a drug comes before friends, family, work, or other responsibilities.

In addition to disrupting healthy daily choices, addiction can lead to the creation of new patterns within relationships, altering their landscape in a way that reinforces the addiction itself.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors within a relationship. Codependent individuals are those who engage in one-sided power dynamics, often “caretaking” with the (sometimes subconscious) goal of controlling their loved one's behavior.

One 2016 study found that women, especially those from cultures that prioritize female care of males, are more likely to experience codependency with a male addicted partner. This relational pattern is often learned. It is frequent among friends and family of those with addiction, with the codependent person attempting to “rescue” their loved one by shielding them from the natural consequences of their addiction. Unfortunately, the result is far from what the codependent partner hopes to achieve. By preventing loved ones from experiencing the consequences of their addiction, those struggling with substance use disorders are enabled to continue as though nothing is wrong.

How Do I Know If I'm Codependent?

There are several markers of codependence in a relationship. The codependent tends to go above and beyond for their addicted loved one due to an exaggerated sense of responsibility for others' actions. Codependents also:

• Experience the need for approval and recognition, feeling let down when their efforts go unnoticed
• Fail to differentiate pity and caretaking from love
• Often experience chronic anger
• May frequently lie to manipulate their situation
• Struggle to adapt to change
• Have poor communication skills or emotional intelligence
• Show a strong need to dominate or be in control

While these may sound like traits of a “bad” person, they are instead traits of an individual who is insecure and is attempting to gain a sense of control over their life by “correcting” someone else's. Codependence can be healed through therapeutic interventions, and that will be addressed in this article.

How Is Codependency Related to Addiction?

Addiction and codependency go hand-in-hand because many individuals who behave codependently learned the behavior through exposure to substance use disorder (SUD). Just as kids who grow up in homes with addiction are at much higher risk for experiencing future substance use, depression, anxiety, and other adverse experiences, those children learn to mask the addiction to the world, pretending everything is okay. They are taught to tend to the needs of their loved ones, whether that is helping them through withdrawal, getting them safely to and from locations, parenting siblings and themselves at any early age, or even procuring drugs. In return, they are offered a renewed sense of stability and made to feel valued by “providing.”

How Can I Heal from Codependency?

Codependents tend to be natural or socialized caretakers. Healing codependency is not the same as opting out of caretaking or denying your nature. It is about creating boundaries that support your own wellness. To begin healing, consider working with a professional therapist like those at Lantana Recovery to accomplish the following:

• Build awareness of your patterns without judgement
• Learn to set safe and healthy boundaries that prioritize your well-being
• Reclaim your identity by refocusing your attention on your own interests
• Address the roots of your codependent patterns
• Find community so you are not going it alone

A professional therapist will aid you in this process with evidence-based modalities such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and EMDR to reprocess early emotional wounds. Together, you will identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, reframe them, develop helpful coping mechanisms, and move forward with healthy boundaries.

How Lantana Recovery Helps

The Lantana Recovery team recognizes the importance of a network of loved ones in supporting our clients' long-term recovery. We often find that where there’s addiction, there are often family members and friends who have shifted their attention, roles, and schedules to help. This shift can often result in a codependency on the individual with SUD, where family and friends are controlling or being controlled by the individual's decision about accepting the help they need.

For this reason, Lantana Recovery offers family therapy that seeks to empower loved ones to engage in treatment the moment they ask for help by providing support. Our weekly family support group is designed to help friends and family develop healthy language and thought processes around addiction and recovery. We also include family in monthly sessions with the primary therapist of any Lantana Recovery client, should the client choose to involve their loved ones.

Whether your loved one is currently engaged with treatment or not, we can create a healthy space for them to naturally develop interest in recovery by participating in treatment ourselves. Learning to establish healthy boundaries and communicate effectively with our loved ones can inspire change.

Codependency is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors within a relationship. Codependent individuals are those who engage in one-sided power dynamics, often “caretaking” to control their loved one's behavior in order to improve their life. This often well-meaning cycle can result in improper self-care, breeding resentment in relationships and unintentionally enabling continued addictive patterns. If you believe you are dealing with codependent behaviors, reach out to Lantana Recovery today to learn about your options for care by calling (866) 997-2870. By caring first for yourself, you may inspire your loved one to seek their own help and begin the road to recovery. We’re here to help you or your loved one on their path to sobriety.