When you get sober, it can be easy to forget that not everyone around you has had the same transformation. That is why staying sober when a partner drinks can cause many complicated dynamics. The good news is there are many ways to navigate a situation where a partner chooses to continue to drink when you get sober. The key is staying connected to a healthy recovery plan.
Better Understanding Addiction
Millions of people struggle with addiction every day. This is true both in the U.S. and around the world. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) and the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), “28.9 million people ages 12 and older (10.2% in this age group) had AUD in the past year. This includes 16.8 million males ages 12 and older (12.1% in this age group),” and “12.0 million females ages 12 and older (8.3% in this age group).” Addiction is quite prevalent.
It is also important to remember that addiction is a disease. You may feel like you have failed in some way or that you have made the “choice” to drink. This is not necessarily untrue. With addiction, you lose the ability to choose to drink – you become wholly under the thumb of alcohol.
Additionally, it’s good to remember that addiction is a “family disease.” This means that it affects everyone around you (even if you don’t see it while you are actively drinking). This disease can be particularly harmful to partners (whether they choose to drink or not). It is also true that our partners are often the first ones to recognize the signs and symptoms of our addiction.
The Signs and Symptoms of Addiction
Addiction (especially alcohol use disorder or AUD) can have some distinct signs. While these signs may vary based on the individual, the following are some of those signs of addiction:
- Smelling like alcohol
- Experiencing physical ailments such as headaches, body aches, and gastrointestinal problems
- Feeling anxious, nervous, or overly “stressed out”
- Isolating away from family and close friends
- Experiencing trouble at home, work, or school
- Having feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness
- Losing interest in activities once enjoyed
- Loss of appetite and a lack of care regarding physical appearance and wellbeing
- Not being able to stop once starting drinking
- Exhibiting excessive mood swings
- Engaging in risky behaviors
- Causing harm to oneself or others
- Having suicidal ideations
Many of us tend to ignore the signs of addiction. However, as you can see, these signs and symptoms are significant and can even be deadly. This is why reaching out for professional help as soon as possible is vital. Doing so could be the difference between having short-term side effects or long-term consequences. Obtaining professional help can also help you manage your recovery when a partner drinks.
Staying Sober When a Partner Drinks in Early Recovery
We can be very tense and “fragile” in early recovery. This is often because we are unsure of how to navigate the “people, places, and things” that we engaged with when we were drinking. We are also very nervous about relapsing. This is both understandable and reasonable.
Relapses are more prevalent than many people may think. According to the peer-reviewed journal, Current Psychiatry Reports, “It has long been known that addictive disorders are chronic and relapsing in nature. Recent estimates from clinical treatment studies suggest that more than two-thirds of individuals relapse within weeks to months of initiating treatment.” Also, “For 1-year outcomes across alcohol, nicotine, weight, and illicit drug abuse, studies show that more than 85% of individuals relapse and return to drug use within one year of treatment.”
The good news is that with the proper tools, you do not need to worry about relapsing when a partner drinks. This is true when maintaining long-term recovery as well.
Staying Sober When a Partner Drinks in Long-Term Recovery
We often feel like others around us should change the way they act just because we get sober. This is simply not how the world works. Also, it is the wrong way to think about sobriety.
Getting sober is also about having tolerance for those around you (especially your partner). It is also about being honest in all of your affairs. This means that if a partner’s drinking threatens your recovery, you need to have an honest conversation with them about it. Then, the next actions can be made about how a partner drinks or if they are willing to stop drinking around you for the safety of your sobriety. Most people are more understanding than you think they’ll be.
Our Primary Purpose at Lantana Recovery
Here at Lantana Recovery, our primary purpose is to help our clients get sober by any means necessary. This is why all of our recovery plans are individualized and comprehensive, with a focus on the future.
The time for recovery is now! We can help.
Many people get sober, but their partner continues to drink. There are many healthy ways to navigate recovery when your loved one still drinks “safely,” as well as when your loved one may be struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD). The key is to stay connected to a set recovery plan. If you feel like you or a loved one are struggling with addiction, mental illness, or co-occurring disorders, we can help get you on the positive path toward long-term recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. For more information about AUD and navigating family dynamics, please reach out to Lantana Recovery today at (866) 997-2870.
