Many people understand the importance of forming new bonds in recovery but are unaware of how critical it can be to let go of some relationships in addiction recovery. This is because these relationships may be “triggering,” toxic, or simply unhealthy for long-term success in recovery. Many of these negative relationships can also lead to a relapse, which is why shedding them safely and as soon as possible can be vital.
Letting Go of Relationships in Addiction Recovery
Many people don’t realize that addiction is about much more than simply the dink or the drug itself. It is about the emotions and motivations that lead to taking that drink or drug in the first place. These are often the underlying root/core causes of one’s addiction. This is why many people in 12-Step recovery will often say, “It’s about the thinking, not the drinking.”
Now, there can be many triggers that lead to these negative thoughts and feelings, and quite often, they are related to people. Yes, the people in our lives influence the way in which we live. Now, of course, this does not excuse our behaviors. Ultimately, we must take responsibility for our own actions. However, we are also responsible for navigating (and shedding) the relationships that may cause us harm.
Letting go of relationships in addiction recovery can be hard. This is because we often feel a sense of guilt and shame in recovery and thus feel that we owe people a certain amount of grace. While yes, grace is important, it is not as important as protecting your sobriety. This is why we need to be vigilant when it comes to relationships, keeping the ones that are beneficial and leaving the ones that are not. Otherwise, a negative relationship could lead to an eventual relapse.
Avoiding Toxic People, Places, and Things
There are three key features that are often discussed in recovery when it comes to relapse. Those are “people, places, and things.” This is because these are often the biggest culprits of leading someone down the path toward a relapse. These may be places like old bars that we may have hung out in, or things like negative shopping behaviors and certain foods. This may also include negative relationships with people with whom we used to drink or use. Yes, all of these situations may lead to a relapse.
Many people don’t realize just how common relapses currently are in the U.S. According to the peer-reviewed journal Current Psychiatry Reports, “It has long been known that addictive disorders are chronic and relapsing in nature. Recent estimates from clinical treatment studies suggest that more than two-thirds of individuals relapse within weeks to months of initiating treatment. For 1-year outcomes across alcohol, nicotine, weight, and illicit drug abuse, studies show that more than 85% of individuals relapse and return to drug use within 1 year of treatment.”
Now, while one way of edging closer to a relapse is by holding on to a negative relationship, a way to avoid one is by forming new, healthy ones. A great way to do this is by making connections at 12-Step meetings.
Utilizing the Twelve Steps to Form Healthy Relationships in Addiction Recovery
It has been said that one of the best ways to avoid a relapse is to help someone else who is struggling. This is even mentioned explicitly in the primary text of 12-Step recovery (also commonly referred to as the Big Book). The Big Book states, “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking [and using] as intensive work with other [people in recovery]. It works when other activities fail…You can help when no one else can.”
Going to 12-Step meetings is a great way to begin to forge healthy relationships in recovery. This is where you can go to get honest about addiction and recovery, while also seeing and hearing other people do the same. It is also a great place to form a special bond known as the sponsor/sponsee relationship.
This is a relationship that is unique between two individuals in recovery. In a 12-Step program, it is where one individual who has been through the Twelve Steps shows another person how to do it. Now, in doing so, they both strengthen their relationship and their commitment to staying sober. This also kicks off the cycle of healthy recovery, because then the sponsee switches roles and makes a connection to help a “newcomer” with their recovery. Also, this is an ideal way to build a healthy “sober network” that can be relied upon in addiction recovery.
A Focus on Long-Term Success at Lantana Recovery
Here at Lantana Recovery, we believe in long-term success over short-term “fixes.” That is why all of our recovery plans are individualized and comprehensive, with a focus on the future. We also know it is a “We” program, not a “Me” program.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then the time to recover is now. You can do this! We can help.
Healing relationships is often discussed as a part of recovery, but it is also important to shed toxic relationships that may lead to a relapse. It can be highly beneficial to know what a toxic relationship looks like in recovery, as well as other potential “triggers” for relapse that may exist. If you feel like you or a loved one is struggling with issues of addiction, mental illness, or co-occurring disorders, we can help get you on the right road to recovery right away. You don’t have to go through this process alone. For more information about forming healthy relationships in recovery, please reach out to Lantana Recovery today at (866) 997-2870.
